Mutant mediocrity

July 26, 2006

X -Men: The Last Stand (


Do you remember in elementary school when teachers gave out grades on a scale of “Outstanding, Satisfactory, Unsatisfactory”? It was fairly easy to get the “Outstanding” back then; it took just a little more effort than doing satisfactory work. When you colored within the lines, you did outstanding, and when you crossed the lines occasionally, you got the satisfactory sticker (if there was one). The extra love you put into your coloring book made for a better final product, and in the end Miss Nice Old Teacher took notice.

I think Brett Ratner was the (fat) kid in class who didn’t love his coloring. He settles with satisfactory and took the X-Men film franchise for a dip in quality. His film is quite watchable and entertaining, but at the same time, is only a mediocre film. What hurts X3 so much is its attempt at grandeur – “The Last Stand” – a title fit only for a superb finale, which in the end turns out to be a minor detail. The film is short and tight with constant action to keep you engaged, but it has so many minor storylines that you never really care about a single one. The big climactic battle at the end of the film feels mostly like an excuse to show off special effects of each mutants’ powers rather than an actual resolution. I liken X3 to “Matrix Revolutions” except that it is more entertaining. X3 is also like “Terminator 3,” a movie sequel that tries to feel significant, yet no matter how much drama, sacrifice, and special effect eye candy there happen to be, the movie does not rise to its supposed greatness. With “Terminator 3,” a fun 2 hour diversion was a surprising pleasure since the sequel was doomed to not exist based upon the storyline of the previous film. Unfortunately for Ratner, Bryan Singer’s X-Men and X2 upped the ante, and in the light of those films, X3 is nothing special.

So X3 wasn’t special, but it was still fun, and I have grown to like the X-Men over the years.  This movie aims to please and for the most part it does.  It doesn’t inspire anything else, though, and in the end you may feel a little let down.

Honestly, what the hell was the point of Angel?

3.5 chromosomes of Mutant X gene (.5 extra is only because I liked the other X-Men movies) out of 5

Next time in reviews: Who knows?  I’m all caught up!


2 Responses to “Mutant mediocrity”

  1. sofia Says:

    dude, you’re starting to sound like a.o. scott. you used “attempt at grandeur.” hahaha. nice work.

  2. I loved this movie!! Though I think you’re right on-they threw in a ton of minor characters, and then did absolutely nothing with them. A bit frustrating especially since I would have loved to have seen more of the Juggernaut, and Angel.

    In all three films, there were issues that might have been easily solved, but for whatever reason, it was overlooked, resulting in both major and minor consequences. Case in point on X3-at the end when Phoenix goes all postal, why not just throw that kid whose power negated everyone else’s power up there by her??!! Her powers are gone, at which point, she could be subdued, problem solved. Same thing goes for Rogue-throw that same kid, blindfolded, and ears plugged, in the room with her and the boyfriend, and she’s ready to rock & roll-powers are negated, she’s all set for naughtiness!

    Still, despite it’s weaknesses, I realllly enjoyed this flick. I’m a HUGE Wolverine fan. Yummm.

    Awesome review!

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